Wellbeing Connections with Dr. Carla is a weekly blog post written by Dr. Carla Chugani, an Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Pittsburgh.  At the beginning of the pandemic, Dr. Chugani (a therapist and mental health researcher with expertise in collegiate mental health) was asked to begin preparing weekly wellness emails for her division.  These messages have since spread across her university and she is delighted to share them with the University of Delaware community.  Her weekly messages are a mix of skills from evidence-based practices such as cognitive behavior therapy and dialectical behavior therapy, mindfulness practices, practical tips for solving everyday problems (e.g., email overload and zoom fatigue), and reactions to major world events.  Overall, the goal of these messages is to provide weekly reminders to create space for wellbeing, self-care, and reflection.

Hi Everyone,

I am thinking of Daunte Wright and his family. I am thinking of his community, and all the communities and generations of people who are affected by this violence. The trauma of it must be unbearable. I had written a weekly wellness post on toxic positivity, and I think maybe it is still something that we should consider this week – particularly in terms of acknowledging how toxic and damaging it can be to minimize, invalidate, or outright deny people’s valid expressions of pain or outrage. For those readers who are not a member of the Black community, let’s be mindful this week, and every week, of how trauma may be compounded when we place our own expectations on others regarding how they should feel or express themselves.

Toxic positivity is the assumption that all situations should be approached from a positive perspective, regardless of how difficult a situation is. It’s the application of the “good vibes only” mindset to all of life’s problems and the assumption that no matter how much someone is struggling, they can and should still find the positive in the situation. So why is this a problem? Well, it’s because when we are overly focused on the positive, we end up minimizing, invalidating, or outright denying pain, challenging experiences, and emotions. Toxic positivity can take a number of forms – it can be as simple as forcing yourself to smile when you’re actually struggling. It can also happen when we get upset with others for expressing negative emotions or try to reframe everything someone is saying with positivity and expecting them to feel better instead of acknowledging their authentic experience and emotions as real and valid.

Sometimes we also deny our own pain because when we compare ourselves to others, we may see that we have much to be grateful for. The thing is, you can be extremely lucky, all things considered, and be experiencing tremendous pain, sadness, anxiety, social isolation, or loss. Ultimately, it seems like the challenge with toxic positivity is that it is a way of avoiding emotions. While it’s true that in times of crisis, distracting yourself or doing something to temporarily give yourself a break from the emotion can be very helpful in the short term, avoiding emotions generally doesn’t work as a long-term solution. Try to become mindful of times when toxic positivity might be creeping in (for yourself or in interactions with others) and make an effort to name and acknowledge those emotional experiences as valid.

In solidarity,
Carla