Balancing work and family

Nicole T. Johnson, a classroom assistant at UD’s Early Learning Center, takes a playground break with her twins, Candice and Cameren, after a busy day at work.

2:56 p.m., May 3, 2005--If you’re a working mom who can’t enjoy Mother’s Day because you know dirty dishes and work projects are piling up while you’re resting on your laurels, you need help.

Fortunately, UD’s Cooperative Extension Service provides an online newsletter chock full of tips on balancing work and family.

Here are some helpful tips based on the advice from Families Matter newsletters:

Establish rituals for your family. If your ritual is everybody heads upstairs for a bedtime story at 8 p.m., you’ll hear less crabbing because it’ll quickly become automatic. Family rituals--like Friday night board games or a walk after church on Sunday--help us relate to one another. New rituals can be started to adapt to a change in the family structure--like a blended family or the loss of a loved one. Let everyone plan a part of the ritual so the onus doesn’t fall on Mom. Very small people can do very small parts, and their parts can grow as they do.
Children thrive on routines. Make homework easier by scheduling it at a certain time each night of the week. Collect all needed material before starting. Turn off the noise. Check with your child’s teachers to see how much time to schedule for each subject. Post homework rules so everyone knows the rules before they sit down to work. Praise your child for her efforts. When your child masters the homework routine, reward him with an experience that will help him grow. That might be a trip to a museum, a Saturday afternoon at the library or a sleepover with school friends.
If your child does homework at his after-school program, be sure to make time to review it with him and talk about his interests and concerns. The time you spend now is an investment in his future.
It’s hard to cook a big meal after a long day at work. Besides, you‘d rather spend the time with the kids. But avoid falling into the fast-food trap by having healthy foods on hand. Healthy doesn’t mean expensive or hard-to-prepare. While getting ready for work and school, it’s easy to prepare a breakfast of peanut butter on toast or cheese melted on a roll.
Planning ahead can save frayed nerves in the morning. Nighttime showers or baths make a.m. bathroom scheduling easier. Lay out clothes the night before so everyone can get dressed more quickly in the morning.
If you’re just too tired to do the usual routine, trim the time you spend, maybe reading a few pages instead of an entire book or making up a “to be continued” story. Explain to your child that, just like batteries, moms need to recharge every once in a while.
Get your young child to regulate himself and you’ll save countless hours and aggravation when he’s a teen-ager. When he’s still young, give him his own alarm clock. Set the clock for him and, when he gets older, show him how to do it himself.
Make a “launching pad” near the door where family members place books, backpacks and other items they’ll carry to work or school.
Be sure to set aside some time for each child each week. It can be as little as 15 minutes, but it should not be interrupted by your other children or other activities. Do whatever your child enjoys. That 3.5 hours a week will pay dividends for decades.
Take advantage of “lost time”—tell stories when you’re waiting at the doctor’s office, keep a box of books in the car for unexpected delays.
When tempers flare, remember to use “I messages” and not “you messages”—“I don’t like all this fighting” instead of “What’s wrong with the two of you?”
Good and happy times are the “family glue” that hold you together when times turn bad. It doesn’t require a lot of time or money to have family fun. Try sharing a short book every evening. Have dinner by candlelight once a week—it doesn’t have to be fancy but get everyone involved in planning and preparing the meal. Have a Scrabble night with special rules for new spellers. Teach your children a card game and let them teach you one. Plant a small garden together, or just grow some spices in a pot. Invite neighbors over for after-dinner lemonade and popcorn. Encourage family members to make each other’s holiday gifts instead of purchasing them. Build a snow fort or act out a fairy tale together. Visit a local historical site. Check the local newspaper for free events to attend.

Family Matters is available online at [http://ag.udel.edu/extension/fam/fm/].

Article by Kathy Canavan
Photo by Kathy F. Atkinson

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