How to smooth friction with the teacher

4:31 p.m., Aug. 17, 2005--The beginning of a new school year often comes with anxiety and pressures that can sometimes create a rift between a student and a teacher, but parents should approach such cases cautiously to avoid making things worse, Charles MacArthur, professor of education, says.

“It’s a difficult situation and you don’t want to be in the position of antagonist,” MacArthur says. “The first thing you should do is talk to your child about what it is that he or she is having difficulty with.”

Discontent in the classroom can come about for a variety of reasons, MacArthur says, including difficulty with social integration, the student’s interpretation of something the teacher might have said and concerns about academic performance.

“Don’t assume that it’s something that the teacher is doing; it might be some other problem in the classroom,” MacArthur says. “Talk with the child.”

After the parent has understood the student’s concerns and explored all other possible reasons behind the conflict, the parent should arrange to have a teacher conference to hear the other side of the story and try to come up with a solution.

“You don’t want to set up the teacher conference and say, ‘My child is complaining about you!’ You want to say, ‘My child has some concerns about the class and I’d like to discuss them with you.’ You have to be very careful not to be confrontational,” MacArthur says.

According to MacArthur, the best way to put the teacher at ease and win cooperation is to start by asking the teacher about his or her perception of the situation, how the child is doing and if there are any concerns that the teacher has.

MacArthur says that such questions as “My child is concerned about this in your class. Do you notice that in the class?” help to point out the area of concern, invite the teacher to offer a different perspective and encourage dialog with the aim of finding a solution.

MacArthur says that. even if the problem clearly lies with the child, parents should always find opportunities to hold discussions with the teachers.

Encouraging children to discuss their concerns helps them learn to express themselves and approaching the problem in a more conciliatory way serves as a conflict-resolution model.

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