Join the club, or not?

Kathleen Kerr, director of residence life, checks her calendar as her four daughters set out for extracurricular activities. From left, 5-year-old Grace, 13-year-old Allie, 11-year-old Maggie and 5-year-old Elizabeth. Kerr limits the number of extracurricular activities in which the girls participate.

4:43 p.m., Aug. 17, 2005--Parents often wonder if they are giving their children enough extracurricular activities--or too many. A University of Delaware professor says balance is the key.

“Our children have numerous opportunities for extracurricular activities that meet their developmental needs, but parents should help their children choose wisely,” Dene Klinzing, professor of individual and family studies, says.

“What kids need is to have time to go to school, time to do homework, time to sleep, time to eat and time to enjoy the family. They need downtime so they can play and dream,” Klinzing says.

Children can benefit from organized activities, Klinzing notes, as long as they don’t get caught in the all-too-common trap of extracurricular overload.

Klinzing recommends that parents think about what activities will most benefit their children and their family and then plan accordingly.

“I’m concerned about family time and the importance of family,’’ she says. “I don’t just mean having time to discipline children, getting the laundry done and ensuring that homework is done. When do parents have the time to give children the values that they think are important? If they’re in too many extracurricular activities, when do they have time to be a family?’

She says that another important component in childhood is play: “Parents need to seriously consider whether their children have time to play. Kids need downtime. Play, we know, is very enriching to children and very important for their development,” Klinzing says.

Sports provide regular exercise and an outlet for stress and should be encouraged, Klinzing says, but parents should be selective about which ones they choose. Taking a child to see a sport played to gauge the child’s level of interest is a good first step before joining a sports team, she says.

Take into account the child’s interests and needs, says Klinzing. For example, an acting class might help a shy child become more outgoing, as long as the child doesn’t feel pushed or pressured.

Perhaps most importantly, parents should investigate their own motivation: are you putting your child in tennis lessons so she can learn a sport that provides lifetime enjoyment? Or, so she can win a college scholarship? Or, just because everybody’s doing it?

“My concern is that many parents put their kids in activities because they think they need to. It’s the parents’ ego that’s involved. They want their child to be the best ballet dancer or the best baseball player or the best violinist. Is Dad or Mom living out their own fantasies through the child?” Klinzing asks.

Watch for signs of activity overload, Klinzing warns. If a child frequently has trouble waking or is dragging during the day, these may be red flags that the child is overcommitted.

“I often ask parents, ‘When’s the last time you had fun as a family?’ If it was last month, you and your kids are overscheduled,” Klinzing says.

Photo by Kathy F. Atkinson

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