Even Grown-ups Need Their Dads

Jack Townsend, director of the MBNA Career Services Center, maintains strong relationships with his adult children, Whitney Sweeney (left) and Tracy Townsend.

3:45 p.m., June 10, 2005--The bonds between fathers and their adult children are a crucial part of a strong society, in which fathers complement mothers in the role of nurturers, guides in life and sources of wisdom, Michael Ferrari, UD associate professor of individual and family studies, says.

“Fathers are undeniably symbols of strength,” Ferrari says. Adults, as well as children, benefit from a strong and reliable bond with their fathers, according to Ferrari.

“The autonomy sought by a child in the stage of adolescence and departing the parental home does not necessarily signify any real reduction in the attachment to a parent,” Ferrari says. “Research [shows] it is not uncommon to see at least 85 percent of adult children report very meaningful and very close relationships with their parents. Most still live relatively near at least one parent and most maintain very regular contact.”

Relationships between adults and their fathers are strengthened by the amount of time they spend together, Ferrari says. However, Ferrari says that the failure of a father to recognize his grown child as an adult can lead to serious conflict. The relationship needs to progress to the point where father and child are relating as adults.

“Fathers, just like mothers, or even grandparents for that matter, must guard against silly snags,” Ferrari, a father of four girls and three boys between the ages of 15-25, says. “We can't live their lives for them.”

On the other hand, Ferrari says, fathers shouldn’t let go of their children at the first signs that they have grown up because the children might not be ready to be fully independent.

“Fathers can misunderstand the independence-dependence continuum,” Ferrari says. “You cannot keep them too dependent, but you need to help them feel connected and secure. We can, and should, influence them and teach them.”

Ferrari said his recommendation that parents remain close to their children and continue to be role models stems from his own experience: “I know my father loves me and he keeps our relationship alive by consistently teaching me about what it means to be a good father.”

Article by Martin Mbugua
Photo by Duane Perry

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