From CNN: The Educational Testing Service and the Federal Bureau of Investigation,
along with the Justice Department, have joined forces today to stop the
malicious rumors and published diatribes of a well-known Professor and
Disco Dancing Instructor in the state of Delaware. James Crouse,
professor of assorted studies and educational enhancement projects par
excellence, was named in the three hundred and one count indictment,
along with the University of Delaware, the UniDel Foundation, the State
of Delaware, High Energy the Gym, Arthur Murray Studios Incorporated,
and Rapstar Records of Detroit, Michigan. The indictment alleges
libelous, reckless, harmful statements made with a 4/4 beat repeatedly in
daylight and under neon signs, all such statements, representations,
declarations, and assertions demonstrably false, known to be so by the
parties in question, and evidence of collusion, copyright infringement,
and cooperation to drive out of business via unfair business practices
the monopoly known as the corporate entity ETS, trademark copyrighted.
Professor Crouse was not available for comments, though he was seen
riding a bicycle towards the interstate highway. This is Paula Lahmpoor
reporting for CNN from the former Yugoslavia.
From Newsweek: James Crouse is known to his friends as Galton Jr. because of his
breakthrough work investigating the very glue that holds the hooves of
the cosmos together. Walking on the Delaware campus under the disease
American elms, students hail him and follow him to and fro, but mostly
fro. For it is in the fro of life that he has an international, nay an
intergalactic, reputation. In Princeton, NJ, at the underground bunker
headquarters of the Educational We-test-'em Service, that have circulated
posters with Dr. Jim's picture (front and side profile) and achievements
so that all will hail him as well, but mostly to in this case.