Dear Mr. Crouse--I am a principal at a small middle school here in the midwest. We need more men like you in the higher reaches of education theorizing. My whole school is now using your latest teaching technique video, "Rote is Right". We have the students line up on the kickball field and they all recite their math facts until lunch break. I can't wait to see the test scores! -----Name withheld for fear of administrative retribution
Dr. Crouse--I was looking for the Dr. Scholl web page when I came across your page. You're a doctor, so what do you recommend for flat feet anyway? And while I'm at it, have you ever found anything for sinus congestion--you know, when you get up in the morning and your whole forehead aches? -----Stan Lutowski, appliance repair services
Prof. Crouse, we are looking at one of your papers and we couldn't make sense of the numbers in it. Where did you learn to add, subtract, and divide anyway? -----Gabe Mirabelli, Institute for Quantitative Research
Dear J Crouse, I have visited your web page each day for a month. I have lost 20 pounds so far. It has toned and firmed me. I no longer worry about cellulite. Thank you! --a formerly out of shape schoolteacher
Mr. Crouse: I find your web page to be an abomindation. How dare you say the things you do? I am proud to be in my profession. I am an important person--just ask me! I work at an important institution--just ask the people who run it! I live in an important country--we all know that, except some turncount like yourself! Shame on you! I will never buy another station wagon from your firm again! --J. Stillwell Nathatikoate
We love you man. Just remember, we love you. It isn't as bad as you think. There is light at the end of the sewer pipe, fella. Remember, we're with you man. -- Born Again Inmates of America, Mid-Atlantic States Chapter
Professor Crouse: I am afraid that I must inform you of--how shall I say?--a most unlikely happening. Three of your publications are virtually identical with seven of my publications. How could this happen--and don't talk to me about some monkeys in a room with typewriters! I think that we need to have a discussion that involves lawyers and academic administrators, which parties may or may not be the same. ---Professor Rizwelt Ubersouthen