University of Delaware

FLLT 328/WOMS 328:  Writing & Gender in Heian Japan

2003 Fall

Michelle Burke
Joe Fotos
Maurice Gomes
Alexis Keklak
Brian Lopez
Kimberly Maroon
Corey Smith
Jason Wright

Recent findings in Japan are now being recognized as lost entries of Sei Shonagon’s Pillow Book. The entries were found in a false drawer of a 1,000-year-old wooden pillow. She is considered to be one of the greatest writers of her time and of all literary history of Japan.

Autumn

Autumn is one of the most delightful seasons. The beautiful temperatures distinguish it from the dreadful heat of the summer and the intolerable cold of the winter. Starting at the end of summer, the temperatures begin cool. Midway through the autumn the leaves finally start to transform into a collage of red, yellow, green and brown.

Waking with the cool breeze of autumn almost ensures a wonderful day. The breeze feels so soft against my skin. And although how wonderful it is to experience, the sad realization sets in that the breeze is here to rid the trees of the leaves making room for the growth of the spring. My heart begins to pound when I see leaves falling from their home on the trees. It means that the trees will soon be bare, signaling the start of winter.

I do not mean to say that winter is not enjoyable, nor do I mean that it is awful. I mean to say, that the cold is too much to bear at times. When the snow begins to fall, my heart skips a beat at the beauty that is there before my eyes. The first snow is the most enjoyable of them all; it signals the beginning of the season and extends the hope for more. It is sad to see among freshly laid snow footprints leading to and fro. I hope that people realize that their footprints take away the beauty of the snow.

Beautiful Things

Quiet, plump babies

Leaves in the fall

The first snow of the year

Elegant Cats

Young princes learning their way around the court

Her Majesty in a new Court Outfit

Plum blossoms covered in snow

Cherry blossoms falling like snow

Waking to see a beautiful moon

Dreams foreshadowing delightful events to come

Members of the Court should not get drunk

I highly dislike seeing members of the Court drunk at festivals. Although it is inevitable, must they behave like commoners? They go about acting as they please, saying such things that would shame even the most immodest among us. Then when they get close enough to you, you dare not to breath. They reek of the stale smell of alcohol. Eventually they begin to behave as though the alcohol is controlling them and drink well past their limits. I wonder in what state they wake up the next day.

At one festival, a man I’ve seen at Court was in such a state he started to make rude and undeserving remarks to the ladies-in-waiting. As well he was parading around in a most unrespectable and undignified manor. Being barely able to walk, one was not able to distinguish whether he was groping the women (and some men) or that he was just trying to remain on his feet. The wife of the Minister of the Right was accosted by the man and moved quick enough to let the man fall down on his face.

FLLT328

11/7/03

56. Annoying Things

Stubbing your toe on a door that you opened. Especially when one is in a hurry to go out that door, not only because you are now late, but walking on your hurting toe slows you down even more.

A rush of cold water in the shower due to the use of a washing machine elsewhere in the house. One knows that the sound of the rushing water that is being used in the shower is loud enough for others to hear, and yet it has been disregarded.

Roomates who eat your food that you went to the store to buy, without a single request for permission. This becomes even more annoying when you ask them about it later and they just give a shrug as though the cause for the food’s disappearance is a mystery to them as well.

When a lover is over and you are having a calm moment while watching a movie, only for the tranquility to be interrupted by friends who come in laughing loudly about a previous occurrence at which you were not present. One becomes increasingly annoyed when they leave the room so quickly as to escape your anger.

When many small things during your day go wrong in succession. This causes one to only concentrate on those things that do not work out the desirable way for the remainder of the day, thereby ensuring that it will only get worse.

To get really excited to see a new movie that you have been anticipating only to find out at the door that it is sold out. One is now forced to make a decision to see one of the other movies offered, but none of them will ever seem as good as the one you had gone to see.

The only time during the day when you are in a hurry to drive somewhere is the time that you will hit all of the red lights on the way there, and inevitably get stuck behind a very slow driver.

A person who is very proud of themselves with an inflated ego is always very annoying. There was such a person in one of my classes. All she would do was talk about herself and how great she has done is school and where she was planning on going to medical school. Throughout the entire lab period she would tell anyone who would listen how completely well her life has turned out and how set she is for the future. Perhaps someone like this should pick a different profession than a medical one. What will happen if a patient has something wrong with him or her? I’m not sure that hearing about how wonderful the doctor is will help the patient’s condition.

78. On A Day Off From School

On a day off from school I do not like to be disturbed in the morning. Sleeping past that normal time that one would wake up during that day is one of the most enjoyable things of one of these days. I also like it when the amount of school work that must be completed for the following days is minimal or already done, allowing one to relax and enjoy life. The weather must also be clear and sunny so I can fully appreciate the day. If the weather is overcast and raining, or cold and windy, half of the day’s worth is lost in the now limited places that will be enjoyable to go. One of the most important things on a day off from school is to enjoy the company of friends. It is good to relax alone sometimes, but on a such a day that you know your most fun companions also are free, something of the joy of the day is lost if you do not share the day with your friends. To be in good health for this day is also a must, in that, if you are not feeling well, you would be home from school anyway, which detracts from the uniqueness of the day.

132. Joyful Things To Wake Up To

A snow-covered lawn.

The clock radio alarm playing one of your favorite songs

Feeling healthy after a long sickness.

The initial shock when one thinks one is late to class, only to realize that it is really a Saturday morning. Now one can go back to sleep and enjoy the feeling of lying in your warm bed, knowing that the next time that one wakes up it will be naturally and not to a loud alarm.

The face of the one whom you love.

124. Some People Should Not Be Allowed To Drive

Some people should not be allowed to drive their cars on any road, even if it is their own private driveway. I drove home today to see some of the worst drivers I have ever seen in my life.

The first offense that I noticed was the lack of use of the turn signals on the car. They exist for a very explicit reason: to let people know in advance where you are trying to drive you’re car. When people refuse to use these little flashing lights, I do not expect them to come careening into the lane that my car now occupies. Couple this with a speed of sixty-five miles per hour and one could very easily get hurt by such a careless person.

Another horrible driving tendency is to disregard the signs that lay down the rules for the road. One particular driver decided that the yield sign on the side of the road did not apply to him and thus came off of his on ramp right in front of my car. I was forced to slam on my brakes in an effort save both of our lives, and once everyone was safe, all he did was yell at me. I was the one that made it possible for both of us to drive off safely, and he was mad at me for it. Perhaps he was trying to hurt himself.

It is highly enjoyable when women walk with a slight turn of their hips. It is very depressing to see young women in tight fitting pants with no body to speak of. It only makes things worse when the woman walks straight with parallel legs drawing even more attention to the fact that she has no curves. A proper walk not only adds grace and style, but even a curveless body can seem feminine. Women who are too thin should not be wearing tight fitting clothes anyway. I know it is the style these for girls to wear these tight fitting jump suits. However unless she is a b-girl on her way to a party to do some popping or locking, or liquid dance moves on a vinyl mat, she had better make sure she at least has a nice backside. This of course says nothing about the personality of the woman herself, which is more important than her looks. Unfortunately though it is increasing difficult to find a woman of great physical beauty that does not waste her potential by being void of intelligence and proper manners.

As I continue my education at this university, I have noticed that every year the freshman become grimier. What I mean to say is that they seem to be more secretive, individualistic, and full of themselves almost to the point of being cocky. I blame two things: rising school tuition and TV. Richer kids are coming into the school coming from an elitist background. While living a life getting almost anything they have wanted they grow up without appreciating things. In addition to this TV has told them for years what a college freshman is supposed to be, which unfortunately means more often than not, getting drunk and breaking something. The kid living next to me felt it would be fun one night to play with the fire extinguisher. I have awoken to see chairs in trees. I have been asked "Can you go to class drunk?" I know ever generation says this about the one below them, but I am going to say it anyway: These kids aint right.

Autumn is as beautiful as it is cold. As the temperature drops, the sky unveils itself from the clouds, revealing a huge flawless blue expanse. The sun sets quickly to showcase the true magnificence of the season, the night sky. One becomes overwhelmed at the endless shimmering stars and the crisp bright moon as it sits in the heavens surrounded by a soft rainbow-colored angelic halo. In order to observe this, a person must at times brave violently cold winds, making the whole winter sky more precious, since it can only be watched for a short amount of time before the winds force a relocation. The winter sky contains the brightest stars and the biggest most easily recognized constellations. I studied such things at one point, and so I look up at the sky as if I were flipping through my own photo album: "There is the Big Dipper – Orion is there, hmmm it seems Canis Major will be rising soon." This world is filled with so much simple beauty.

Things that are beautiful but become troublesome:

Autumn leaves falling.

A kitten

Strangers who you talk to over the Internet

Snow

Late night mist

A younger woman who has been taken to bed without much effort

Laundry straight out of the dryer

A new job

A hot new pop star

An 11^th century Japanese novel

The is nothing in this universe worse than an older person that trying to be "cool" with younger people. At work I was horrified to learn that if this particular woman was naked spread out on the floor saying, "do me," and there was bull riding on the television, he would ignore her. There is no reason for me to have that piece of information. This woman is older, most likely early forties, late thirties with at least one daughter. I would never think about giving her such kind of details about my personal life, and she should have thought the same. I was assigned to help this woman and so far it was the one and only one day that I have worked with her. In that short work shift I learned about her daughters’ relationship troubles, the woman’s troubles with a past relationship, and I am terrified to write that she may have implied her proficiency at oral sex. Amida Buddha should have kept his word and descended to save me from what had to be one of the lower realms. I said nothing to prompt any of these disgusting conversations, but I know now that I must have been a vicious killer in a past life for my karma to place me in such a situation.

If this woman were my age and attractive, I would not be writing this story, but unfortunately for her she was neither. After stories like that what does she think my opinion of her is? Was I supposed to think that she is cool? Was I supposed to think her life was fresh and exciting? I thought neither. There is an even older woman who works with me as well. She goes about her work making small comments here and there, talking about the heat in the building or loud music, or the short shorts girls wear or the weather. I know nothing about the details of her personal life, whether she is married, what she does on the weekend, her sex life, none of it. If not job related, our conversations are small and polite. No foul language, no personal information, and thank god, no oral sex. Just looking at the other woman’s mouth, with its nasty gray teeth, is bad enough.

My friends and I were having a small get together, and sadly one of my friends got drunk. Now I use to word "sadly" not trying to imply some anti alcohol stance, simply that the chain of events that unfolded was quite sad, for him. (But very funny for me). Throughout the night my friend had been talking and flirting very successfully with this girl he met through another friend. All the signs pointed toward a pleasant night for my friend: constant yet brief body contact, extended gazing into each others eyes, which usually ended in the girl blushing, flipping her hair and turning away. It had been my friend’s plan to have a purely physical relationship with the girl, as would many guys our age. For some reason we seem to avoid a meaningful relationship like it was the plague. We are all at the age where floating in the water is a lot better than swimming to any particular spot. Anyway, at one point in the night the girl left, for whatever reason, and my friend ended up searching around his apartment, (the location of the get-together) trying to find her. He then inquires, "Where is that girl, I have to fuck her tonight." Now there is nothing wrong with this kind of statement, depending on the people who are able to hear it. My close friends and I all laughed at the comment; however one of the girl’s friends happened to be sitting on the couch right next to my friend. She gives my friend a glare and then proceeds to start talking about how he had better not touch her, and other things. I really was not listening to her at all since what she had to say did not matter.

My friend should have been more aware of his surrounding and had more control not to say what he did out loud, but I must admit it was funny to see him calm the girl’s friend down, and verbally get himself out of hot water. My friend and I looked at each other and non-verbally communicated, I "told" him he was stupid and he agreed. Nonverbal communication is such a powerful tool, especially when controlled and used properly. My friends and I will usually always have conversations within conversations whenever we are in with a group of people. This is not done to be rude of course although some people may see it as that. However we are so covert in our communication that we almost never get caught, and so there are no conflicts. We have all hung out we each other that a simple change in facial expression takes the place of sentences of dialogue. For the majority of people out there, they rely on cell phone text messaging in order to pass along information not meant for the public. I find that there is nothing practical about text messages, and every time I see someone use it, it is hard for me not to get an overwhelmingly shady vibe from them, like they are plotting to bomb something, or talking behind someone’s back. The girl my friend planned to get with did come back, but promptly left again, however it was not due to anything my friend had said. As far as I know, she knows nothing about his mission for that night.

Pleasantly surprising things

A beautiful white girl with thick blond dreadlocks

Early morning mist while walking to class

An updated web comic

Talking with a freshman who has maturity and a good outlook on life

Hearing a track you know in a DJ’s set

Coming up with a new glowsticking trick while glowsticking

Meeting another anime fan in an unexpected place

Having a very attractive woman seem interested in you

Drinking egg nog for the first time in the year

Seeing a small squirrel run past you

Passing by an old high school friend at college

It is so sad that we spend so much of our time indoors. I like to be outdoors whenever I can, just to enjoy the day. There are some woods near my dorm room but there have only been a few instances in which I have ventured out in them. There is something so calming and organic just being out in a field or woods, away from the noise of modern life. I always get a feeling of contentment when I am out in nature. I have three bamboo plants in my room. While I do not care for them as far as the insane level of talking to them and playing music for them, I do water them, keep light on them and always check the water. For some strange reason, if I leave my door open, passers by think I am growing marijuana. From the pictures I have seen of weed, bamboo looks nothing like it, but I just laugh every time people say it, instead of calling them stupid, which is what I want to do.

Prof. Marceau 17 November 2003

Despite my many lists of things I detest and things I find hateful, what I really find most objectionable is censoring my writings. Since my pillowbook was found, I have been forced to write things that are acceptable to the court. Imagine my embarrassment when my personal writings were being passed about the court. Instead, I now brush a record of court life. My pillowbook was never intended to be a report of court life. It was, instead, a place for me to express the things I could not share with the other ladies of the court. It was the only place I was allowed to be myself. I am determined again to have that outlet.

It was a delightful spring morning, the flowers touched with dew. Her majesty had returned from the lesser palace the day before and was to spend the day in relaxation. Upon waking, I overheard my maid whispering to another in a most annoying manner. What is there for a maid to say that cannot be uttered aloud? But I shrugged it off; I did not want her idle chatter to ruin such a pleasant morning. I later passed by the veranda where two ladies sat chatting after a game of go. As I approached, they became quiet and one let out a quiet laugh. It seemed innocent enough, until I later found that I was the subject of the palace’s gossip that day. Her majesty sent a messenger to find me. As I walked to her majesty’s wing, I wondered what the Empress could possibly have called me for.

When I entered, she looked at me with a knowing grin. "I should have known better than to provide such a quick-witted one with so much paper," she said. I must have looked at her in terrible confusion because she added, "Are you the only one who doesn’t know?" Her majesty told me I had left my pillowbook out when we had left for the lesser palace and by now it had circulated among the entire court. I stood, mortified, not knowing what to do or say. The empress only laughed, " Don’t be silly, your writing is splendid." I was chastised for some of the things I wrote, but her majesty was delighted to have such a writer at court.

Although the empress was amused, it wouldn’t do to have me judging the members of the court. But I was told to continue to keep my pillowbook. After exciting events, the empress would often come to me or request by letter that I record the day’s events. Still terribly embarrassed that my personal thoughts had gotten out, I had to comply with the wishes of the empress. I destroyed my original pillowbook. Most of what I wrote after its discovery was upon the empress’ request. The opinions I recorded were only those everyone would agree with.

I have only just begun to keep this pillowbook, because I’m sure it will never be found. I have the perfect hiding place. Writing for others is much more difficult than the writing I’ve done for myself. Also, living at court, everything must be said and done in specific ways. One must not voice opinions unless they are those that are commonly held and acceptable. My pillowbook was the only place to have my own ideas. It has been so frustrating to keep everything in. I have been in fear of my writing being discovered again, but as long as I keep a pillowbook for the empress, surely no one will look for another. Unfortunately, it has been very hard to obtain enough paper to keep two pillowbooks. I use whatever I can get my hands on, often writing on the reverse sides of poems I’ve received. I’ve experimented with writing on the skins of my lovers, but that again is not entirely private.

Court life is hardly entertaining and I’ve begun making up stories. This pillowbook will be my way of expressing my feelings. I will tell tales that reflect my feelings, but they will be woven into a tale. This way, if my book is to be found, I cannot be accused of expressing inappropriate views. I will not suffer such humiliation again.

FLLT328011

11/12/2003

Unexpected Pleasures

Receiving an email from an old friend with whom I haven’t corresponded in ages.

Natural disasters that result in the university closing.

Waking up from a weekend nap to find my cat draped across my chest, enjoying its own nap.

All people who refer to themselves in the third person.

People who send emails using all capital letters.

Passionless teachers.

Ambivalent students.

Obese security guards.

Everyone who makes use of the "fake laugh" (anyone can tell it’s not sincere).

Roommates who take food from the refrigerator that doesn’t belong to them.

As I Was Walking On Campus...

WOMS328-010

17 November 2003

Paper 3- Topic #9

Things that are Terribly Hideous and Disgusting

A young man who flaunts natural bodily functions such as gas.

Sun blisters on the face that ooze yellow liquid.

A woman with a nose so large one cannot help but stare at the monstrosity suspended in space.

Spoiled milk that has become lumpy.

Fruit engulfed with soft white mold.

Raw meat covered in maggots.

Babies that drool incessantly

Children with knotted hair and dirt underneath their fingernails.

Runny feces of diseased livestock.

A palace infested with vermin; those being insects and rodents of considerable nuisance.

The smell of mildew after a flood.

Vomit in the corridors of a house.

Sake stains on my robes that refuse to come clean.

I Remember a Morning at the Edge of the Sea

I remember a morning at the edge of the sea when the sun was just peaking above the waves. The sea foam glistened like jewels as it caught the rays of sunlight. I saw the fishermen strewn in a line along the water’s edge. Despite the biting wind, I continued on my journey along the shoreline towards the north. As the sun became brighter and the sea twinkled even more, I gathered treasures from the sand. I found various shells—clams, mussels, snail, soft stones weathered by the tide, and jagged pieces of wood of unknown origin.

I was so moved by the beauty of the sunrise and the magical objects I discovered in the sun’s rays I wrote to my grandfather to describe my excursion.

I captured the mornings

loveliness in the waking of the sun.

I traversed the shore

discovering treasures beneath the sand

that the fortnight moon had left behind.

As I began to walk south, I breathed in the cool, salt air and let the sand creep between my toes grain by grain. I gazed across the scene and wished I could remain in the moment for all eternity. As I prepared to leave the shore, I turned to face the desolate, crumbling structures that cut the sky into dark shapes. I wondered why they could not embrace the radiance of the morning as I did.

Rains

A gentle rain. Late one evening during autumn, while walking to the temple and seeing the lanterns reflected in the darkness of the path—this is the most lovely and inviting.

I dislike the hard rain of the winter months that blows horizontally and angrily pelts my face. It stings my skin and drips down my cheeks with a bitter cold.

The spring months bring a warm rain. Heavy drops swell to puddles that run deep and clean. I take delight in traversing the puddles, soaking my robes so heavily I could quench the thirst of the flowers in the palace garden. These rains bring the growth of cherry trees—both a magnificent sight and favorite aroma of mine.

Thunderstorms of summer carry with them torrential rains. I enjoy watching the jagged bolts of light that streak and twist across the night sky. I shudder with excitement at the loud booms and crashes that threaten to break the heavens. I envy the power of the summer storms.

FLLT 328

The Pillow Book

Hidden Passage #1, Never Published from the Heian Era

1. Being of the Lower Order Must Be Dull

 

 
 
 

I could not imagine being amongst the low ranks. Their world must greatly lack color. No cherry-colored Court cloak, trousers of dark purple, or watching the sunrise in a white under-robe. How miserable. I would hate not seeing the paintings of the stormy sea in the northeast corner of Seriyo Palace, or experiencing the deep intense color of autumn evenings and winter mornings.

Those of the lower order are blinded. Not be cause they have to be, but because they choose to be, viewing the world in their own little way, lacking colors of passion and intensity. They watch the sunrise, but do they notice the dew evaporating from the spring blossoms? They may watch nightfall, but does anyone notice the changing hues of the sky or movement of the clouds? I wrote a poem in my Daytime Chamber and shared it with Korechika:

The springtime blossoms

Dance with life as morning nears

Prisms of color

Are hues of passionate refraction

As the sun beats down upon me

Korechika, who was deeply impressed with my poem, advised that I share my composed poem with the emperor. I refused, however, because I felt that the poem did not convey the array of colors and experience of a true sunrise in early morning.

Hidden Passage #2, Never Published (Discovered)

2. Summer is the Best Time to Catch Fireflies

186. Dark No Longer, Out in the Light

Now that my book has been exposed and has been viewed out in the light, I am tentative and angry, ashamed and shocked. The mixture of feelings I feel within seem justified, yet I am still confused and worried about what members of the Imperial family may think.

Pride.

How could I feel such an emotion when my initial intentions were to write a book for my own personal amusement? I feel naked, almost as if placed underneath a microscope where everyone can see through my garments and read my every thought. I would rather write with a brush out of ink; that way only I would know what I am writing on paper. My endless notebooks full of visions, innermost thoughts and feelings, opinions and critiques, now seem at the world’s disposal. How can readers be proud of my work when the work is not even their own? If I had foreseen this happening, I would have rather burned it all, then buried the ashes in the dark.

The recently discovered lost sections of Sei Shonagon’s Pillow Book contain 2 lists and 2 stories. The translated versions are as follows:

186. Things that bring a smile to my face.

Seeing the Emperor with my own eyes.

Watching squirrels run from branch to branch.

One day the lady who lives in the room next to mine brought home two little kittens. Both were gray and black; the female, Lilly, has a short puffy tail, and the male, Mo, has white paws. They are both very energetic and love to play with any bit of loose fabric. The female loves to try to get under the skirts of the women, and chase little balls that are thrown across the room. The male is a little less energetic, but loves to chase, Taro, Kashiwagi’s cat. Taro loves to run outside, so Kashiwagi must keep him on a leash so he does not run off, but when he gets out, he always lifts up the curtains, exposing the inside to anyone that may be out there. Once when I was meeting with an honorable official, both kittens came running into the room and started playing with the official’s robes. He was so surprised and pleased that he called the meeting short so he could enjoy playing with the kittens.

189. Babies

Babies are the most annoying things on earth. When they aren’t screaming their little heads off, they are making a huge mess out of everything; plus they usually smell so bad, not even the strongest of incense can overcome it. I can’t understand why so many people think that these little slobbering monsters are cute. I also can’t stand the way people talk to babies; it’s like they are trying to lower their minds to the same level as the baby’s. I pray every day that I never get pregnant; I don’t know what I would do if I had to live with one of those little monsters.

Background courtesy of Yuusoku mon'you sozai-shuu (Heian Aristocratic Patterns)