American Customs and Courtesies

It is very difficult to define a general “American culture.” Different situations require different responses, and different people (often from different ethnic, religious, and regional backgrounds) have different values.

America is probably most often generalized as a society of individuals. We are taught from a very young age to think for ourselves, to form and express opinions, and to do things without help. Many Americans dislike being dependent on others, and will go to great lengths to proclaim their independence. Americans will also be very aware of their individual rights, especially free speech. It is sometimes very difficult for international students to accept that people in the United States can say anything, even if it is derogatory or disrespectful. There is theoretically a good deal of tolerance for differences of individual opinion and respect for the ideas of others.

Invitations
Invitations to small, informal affairs such as dinner with your friends, are often extended over the telephone or in person. Invitations to visit, etc., are given freely, so before you show up the first time be sure you are expected. For large informal events or for formal occasions, written or printed invitations usually come in the mail in advance. If the invitation states “RSVP,” you must phone or write the host or hostess to accept or decline the invitation. You should also ask your host or hostess if there is anything you can bring, especially if you are being invited for a meal. It is important that whenever you accept an invitation you attend, as the person who invited you, whether a friend, your host family, or any other host or hostess, is expecting you. If you cannot go, be sure to give as much advance notice as possible. Also, if you are running late you should let the host or hostess know what time you expect to arrive.

Guests are expected to arrive for an invitation to a meal at the exact time specified, or five to ten minutes early. If the invitation is for a reception or party, you should arrive at any time between the hours specified.

If you have been invited to someone’s home for a meal, it is considered polite for you to ask if there is anything you can do to help with the preparations or clean-up.

It is important as well to know when to leave. After dining, you should generally remain about an hour. Remember, however, to notice if your host/hostess is tired -- it is better to leave too early than too late. Also, if you attend an event with a guest of honor, it is customary to wait until that person leaves before you depart.

You may also be asked to a “potluck” dinner. A potluck means that each person (or couple) invited to the party brings a dish to share. It may be specified that you should bring a salad, a dessert, or a main dish. College students often have these kinds of parties. Everyone will bring something to contribute: drinks, chips, paper products (napkins, plates, etc.), and so on. A dish from your country would always be appreciated at a potluck dinner.

Gifts to hosts/hostesses are optional, but are often appreciated the first time you are a guest at a stranger's house. A small, inexpensive gift from your home country is always appreciated. Flowers and such can also make good, inexpensive gifts to a host. Generally, do not purchase anything expensive, as it is embarrassing to your host. Gifts are not usually given to people in official positions, and doing so can be misunderstood as an attempt to gain favor or offer a bribe. If you want to give a teacher or advisor a gift of appreciation, it is best to do so after the relationship has ended (i.e. when you have finished the course, or when you are graduating).

Americans usually open gifts in the presence of the giver, and will expect you to do the same if they give you something. A sincere verbal expression of thanks is usually sufficient. If you receive a gift in the mail, or if you do not open a gift in the presence of the giver, you should send a brief thank-you note specifically mentioning the gift. If the person giving you the gift is a close friend, you can also telephone your thanks.

Introductions
The simplest correct form of introduction is to say the name of the older person or person of higher rank first. When introducing a man to a woman, you usually say the woman's name first. "How do you do?" or "Pleased to meet you" are customary responses. Two men almost always shake hands upon first meeting; a man usually does not shake hands with a woman unless she offers her hand first.

Americans tend to use first names more often than other cultures. It is not uncommon for two persons who have just met to use each other's first names. If in doubt with an older person, it is best to wait until he or she asks you to use a first name, or you may ask someone what he or she prefers to be called.

Telephone Protocol
When using the telephone, remember that the person on the other end of the line will probably not recognize your voice. Be sure to identify yourself before you start talking, and speak slowly and clearly. If you need to ask the other person on the phone to do so as well it will not be considered rude.

You should generally call someone at home between 9:00 a.m. and 9:00 p.m., and avoid calling during the dinner hours (5:00 - 7:00 p.m. for most people). You should never call early in the morning or late in the evening without asking beforehand if it would be all right.

Friendship
Americans tend to be casual and friendly, because the mobile nature of our society lends itself to the formation of quick, transient relationships. The casualness of friendship patterns allows people to move freely from group to group and have many different “kinds” of friends. For example, an American may have friends from work, friends from school, and friends from church. All of these are separate groups of friends, and each group has its own similarities. An American can therefore tell you that he has many friends, but this does not imply that they are close, personal relationships.

Close friendships in this country do not happen immediately and take some time to form. People who become close friends generally share common interests and activities. As a general rule, if you are doing something you enjoy then you will meet others who share the same interests. A good friendship can form from this mutual interest if you do not seem overeager or too standoffish.

Americans are curious about many things and may ask you a lot of questions. They do not do this to be rude, but often you may be the first person from a particular country that they have met. They will have stereotypical ideas of your country in the same way that you have ideas of America. These questions might not only lead to the formation of a friendship, but they also give you the opportunity to look at your own culture from an outsider’s point of view.

Tipping
When you eat a meal at a restaurant, it is customary to leave money (a "tip") for the waiter or waitress who served you. The amount is generally about 15% of the total bill. It is paid separately and in addition to the check, and is left on the table when you leave. Your tip is an expression of your satisfaction with your service; if your service is bad, decrease the amount of the tip or leave none at all. (It is important to remember, however, that waiters and waitresses are paid only a small salary, and tips are an anticipated part of their income.)

Other times when tips are customary are: bellmen and porters at airports and hotels (about $1 per bag); hairdressers ($2-3); and taxi drivers (10-15% of the bill).

Dining Out
If you go out to a restaurant, it is customary in the US that a hostess will ask you at least two questions:

1. Do you have a reservation?
2. How many in your party?
3. Smoking or non-smoking? (in states where smoking is still allowed)

Based on your answer, the hostess will take you to a table. You may request a different table if you are absolutely dissatisfied – not anything you will see Americans do very often. Because waitstaff often is responsible for a certain section in a restaurant, the hostess’ job is to seat the guests accordingly. Very rarely will you see a sign ”seat yourself”.

The wait staff (waiter/waitress) will approach your table and introduce her/himself by first name. You are not expected to introduce yourself. They may then ask “ What can I get you guys?”, regardless of weather you are male or females. The term ‘guys’ is used in informal situations addressing a group (at least two people) who may be entirely female.

Your orders will be totaled on one check. Typically people just split the bill rather than figuring out to the cent who ate what and owes how much. Unless someone insists that he or she is paying for the meal, do not assume they will. If they put a credit card on the table you need to contribute your part of the bill or – if you do not have cash -- you can also put your credit card on the table and the restaurant will charge both cards with half the amount.

The doggy bag
If you are unable to finish your meal, you may request to take it home – referred to as the doggy bag.

Smoking
In many states such as Delaware, smoking is not permitted in public buildings or in restaurants and bars. Find out what the smoking policy is before lighting up which is of course is also true for people’s homes.

The Media View of the United States
You may have seen television programs and movies which portray life in this country. You might find that movies are often far from US American reality. Most Americans live a relatively conservative lifestyle not too dissimilar from the rest of the world, and do not believe or follow most of what is seen in our mass media. You should also keep in mind that some of the language used in American films is not acceptable in everyday conversations.

American Holidays
There are six major national legal holidays in the United States:

1. New Year’s Day
2. Memorial Day
3. Independence Day
4. Labor Day
5. Thanksgiving
6. Christmas.

Not all Americans observe the same holidays, and there are many holidays which are not legal holidays. Also, some holidays are celebrated only by certain religious or cultural groups. Some of the more common U.S. holidays are:

• New Year's Day (January 1st).
  The big celebration is the night before, New Year's Eve. The new year is often "rung in" with bells and noisemakers. On New Year's Day itself, there are many parades and college football games on the television.
  
  
• Martin Luther King, Jr. Day (mid-January).
  This holiday celebrates the birth date of one of the leaders of the American civil rights movement.
  
  
• Valentine's Day (February 14).
  A day to celebrate love. Cards are given to close friends and loved ones.
  
  
• St. Patrick’s Day (March 17).
  An Irish holiday brought to America by immigrants. The U.S. version of this holiday includes wearing something green, eating corned beef and cabbage, and drinking green beer.
  
  
• Easter (March or April). Although primarily a Christian holiday, it is widely celebrated in the U.S. This is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus. The secular Easter tradition is to dye eggs different colors and give baskets of candy to children.
  
  
• Passover (March or April). Jewish holiday celebrated in commemoration of the Hebrews’ liberation from slavery in Egypt.
  
  
• Memorial Day (late May). This day is dedicated to the memory of all soldiers who died during wars.
  
  
• Independence Day (July 4). The celebration of the day the American Declaration of Independence was signed.
  
  
• Labor Day (early September).
  This day honors the country's working men and women.
  
  
• Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (September or October).
  The Jewish New Year and Day of Atonement, respectively, are the High Holy Days in the Jewish religion.
  
  
• Veteran's Day (mid November).
  A day set aside to honor all men and women who served in the Armed Forces of the United States.
  
  
• Halloween (October 31).
  A day when children (and adults) dress in costumes and have parties. Children go "trick or treating" to homes for candy, and pumpkins are carved into jack o’lanterns.
  
  
• Thanksgiving Day (fourth Thursday in November).
  This holiday dates from America’s earliest days, when the Pilgrims had a feast to celebrate their first good harvest and give thanks. Large family dinners are common, with turkey and pumpkin pie; more Americans will travel home for the Thanksgiving holidays than for Christmas.
  
  
• Hanukkah (late November or early December).
  An eight-day Jewish holiday marking the rededication of the Temple.
  
  
• Christmas Day (December 25).
  The celebration of the birth of Christ in the Christian faith. This is also a time when families decorate trees and exchange gifts. The Christmas tradition is that Santa Claus brings gifts to good children.

Your own holidays are important as well, and most Americans would be very interested in hearing about the celebrations and occasions that are important in your culture. If you are in the United States with your own children, and you would like to keep them home from school for a holiday observance, you should notify the school officials ahead of time. Also, if you are observing a holiday that may in some way affect your schooling, you should let your professors know in advance.

Educational Structure of the United States
Most U.S. students have 12 years of elementary (primary) and secondary education before they go to college. This means that they generally start college around age 18. However, unlike many other countries, it is not unusual for students to take one or more years off between secondary school and college. Indeed, it is now extremely common for students to return to the classroom after many years of absence from school--you'll find students aged 40, 50 and older studying with you here at the University.

Another common type of student is the one who is going to college on a part-time basis while working a full-time job. The United States encourages this sort of education, and students often continue taking courses for many years, even if not earning a degree, so that they can gain knowledge they find useful for their jobs or for their own personal satisfaction.

An undergraduate education in the U.S., working toward the bachelor's degree, takes a minimum of 4 years in most cases. In the case of some subjects, such as engineering, it may take 5 or more years. The U.S. educational system prizes what are known as liberal or general studies, and you will take many different types of these general courses during your study here. You may feel that you don't need the mathematics and sciences, humanities, social sciences, etc., but this is a philosophy of American education that you must follow to get your degree.

Graduate education, working toward the master's or doctor's degree, takes 1-2 years for the masters and 3 or more years for the doctorate. These degrees are much more specialized, and students generally take only subjects which pertain directly to the degree they are seeking.

Interaction between faculty and students in the United States is also often informal and students may call the professor by the first name. Professors are readily accessible outside the classroom, and students are encouraged, within limits, to challenge the professor's theories. You will be expected to think for yourself, develop theories and original ideas that you can justify, and to participate as a member of the class. Students who just sit back, listen, and repeat what the professor says or what is read in a book will not earn good grades. Good grades are earned for your thoughtful responses, not a reiteration of someone else’s ideas.

**Portions of the material in this section were excerpted from the International Student Handbooks at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, the University of Texas, and the University of Nebraska Medical Center.**