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That Place
by Allison Bidwell Banning
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Whispers from other mothers around the playgrounds With their occasional "wild boy" sounds Picking their children up and carrying them away This happens day after day I know he can be sweet and dear But that is not the feedback I hear People don't take the time to get to know They only judge and quickly go So rather than go out and play I found it was much easier to stay Inside my house where it was safe I was going to that place That place where you go and hide That place that is inside Inside your home, inside your fears Those fears that feed the tears The tears you have cried because you feel so alone So all alone in a crowded place That place where you can't look people in the face Because there is this incredible vulnerability That comes from questioning your ability That you can't understand the things that he does And this is so confusing because You have tried to love and understand And be there with a guiding hand You have done what all the parenting books say But why in the world is he acting this way? My son is the one pushing, he's angry, he'll shout You don't see this behavior from the other children out You talk, you bargain, you threaten in vain But it always seems to end up the same You have turned yourself into a terrible sight And then it turns into a terrible fight You let yourself feel embarrassed and ashamed Because it's your child that seems so untamed I was tired of going to that place I realized this was a problem I must face I forgot the strangers that were there and saw The side of me that was exposed and raw I focused on my child instead We made a plan and forged ahead It took 9 months and 3 people later To finally get to an evaluator Who could help us sort everything out And help us get rid of this nagging doubt That it wasn't us as I had heard so many say It was that my son had a special delay I now had found the knowledge and skill And yes, a rather sizable bill But that was O. K. It was what we had to do We couldn't go on living without a clue The knowledge is power, it has given me strength The strength I needed to be able to face That I don't want to visit that place Where I give strangers power over me To feel embarrassed and not to see The incredible gifts my son has given me My son is good, he is smart, he's an interesting boy He is my treasure, my love, my "bundle of joy"
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