UpDate - Vol. 15, No. 28, Page 9
April 18, 1996
Relieving stress; FSAP offers employees one-on-one counseling

     Walter (not his real name) has been working as a professional at
the University for 10 years. Last fall, he could sense he was
approaching overload.
     During the hectic October through December period, his
responsibilities at work were escalating, and his mother, who had been
living in a retirement community, had become seriously ill.
     "It became necessary to move my mother to the assisted-care
section of the retirement community," Walter said, "but, when one
leaves an apartment it must be cleaned out and vacated in three
months' time. My sister and I had to dispose of all of the furniture
and belongings that my mother and my late father had collected. It was
a very stressful time."
     Being single, Walter said there was no companion with whom he
could share his concerns or seek assistance about his decisions.
     "I was becoming overwhelmed because I realized that my mother
didn't have too much longer to live. I had to make arrangements to
clear out her home-and deal with appraisers, movers and storage
personnel-and manage to keep up with things in the middle of a busy
semester."
     Over the previous year, during visits to the Employee Fitness
Center, Walter had become acquainted with Marvin Brams, a certified
counselor in the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP). In the
midst of a casual conversation, Walter mentioned his growing concerns
and Brams suggested Walter consider participating in the campus
counseling program for employees.
      The friendly relationship with Brams helped Walter decide to
make an appointment. However, he admitted being concerned that he
might be recognized, and he also was apprehensive about what others
might think of him seeking help through counseling.
     Walter's individual, one-hour sessions were confidential and
continued for about 10 weeks.
     "The emotional strain was starting to affect me physically,"
Walter said. "I think the sessions were helpful on a continuous basis.
I noticed no sudden change, but I could sense that I was able to
better deal with each stage of the responsibilities associated with my
mother's illness and death.
     "Marvin was a good listener, and that's what I needed at that
time in my life. He reinforced that what I was doing was right, that
other people also had gone through this and that they had experienced
the same doubts, sense of frustration and even guilt. He affirmed that
the feelings I was having were normal. The series of sessions helped
me reach a sense of balance.
     "I think I learned a lot from Marvin's counseling," Walter said.
"He helped me focus on feeling less and doing more. He redirected some
of my energy from being overwhelmed and showed me how to respond to
situations appropriately. I try to apply those techniques to other
challenges that I'll continue to have during the rest of my life. I
think it's useful to do that."
     Today, Walter said, more people are becoming responsible for the
care of elderly parents.
     "Nobody knows what it's like," Walter said, "to deal with the
death of your last parent, unless you have done it. There's much more
involved than you can imagine."
                                                         -Ed Okonowicz


Editor's note: This article is part of a series about employees who
have used the services of the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program.
For information on FSAP, call 831-2414.