UpDate - Vol. 11, No. 10, Page 3
November 7, 1991
Serious problem; Societal views, laws contribute to domestic abuse
By Lisa Greiner

     Heavyweight champion Mike Tyson is an example of someone who
has been accused of resorting to it.  Current Miss America Carolyn
Sapp says she's been a victim of it. Julia Roberts makes movies
about it.
     It is domestic abuse.
     Carol Post, instructor, and Jessica Schiffman, program
coordinator, both in the Women's Studies Interdisciplinary Program,
say that it is a problem more widespread than many people think.
     Post defines domestic violence as conflict "that goes on in an
intimate relationship. This can be physical, emotional or sexual
violence within a dating relationship."
     According to Post, 95 percent of the cases, the abusers are
primarily men. She explained that women are harmed to a greater
degree than are men, except in a case where a woman is forced to
use a weapon in self-defense.

Society and history
     An abusive person, Post said, is not necessarily an individual
with a psychological problem. She said it is really a societal
issue-beginning when society encourages boys and girls to play with
different toys.
     When boys are told to play with trucks and footballs and girls
are encouraged to play with dolls, young children become socialized
to believe that, according to their gender, there are specific
roles they are expected to fulfill, Post said.
     Society socializes women to feel they must take responsibility
for the relationship and that they must look attractive, Schiffman
said.
     "On the other hand," Post added, "we socialize men to think
they have to be in control and that they have power."
     Post explained that abusive men are abusing this power and
feel they must control others in order to build their own self-
esteem. Their sense of masculinity is threatened by anything they
feel they do not have control over.
     This urge to control can be traced throughout history, Post
explained.  The English Common Law gave men the right to control
women.
     Women had no property rights and no money of their own. Men
had the legal right to physically "correct" their wives.
     In fact, Post said, the English Common Law protected the "rule
of thumb," which said a man had the right to beat his wife as long
as he didn't use a stick bigger than his thumb. The right to
chastise a wife was held up in court until the 19th century.
     Post said that although those days have passed, attitudes
about the private relationships between spouses and how they
interact still change slowly.
     She said there have been many legal reforms that work to deal
more efficiently and sympathetically with the victims of abuse.
Unfortunately, she said, "Women who are victims still aren't
treated equally. Men, by nature, are believed more often.

"Why women stay
     Schiffman said society teaches women that their job is to keep
the family together. Many women stay in an abusive situation
because they feel they can make things better, because they have
children or simply because they love their partner.
     Many women won't leave until they are forced to.
     "Women without children are more likely to leave," Schiffman
said.
     "Those with children are trapped," Post added, " Imagine the
situation when they leave. They will lose everything."
     Often, abused women have no money or they may be afraid to
leave the social or religious groups they belong to, Post
explained. It's hard to leave because the law is not on the woman's
side. Often, women with children will go to a shelter for
protection, only to later lose the children because the court says
the shelters are inappropriate living conditions.
     Schiffman pointed out, "We need to stop placing the
responsibility of the abuse on women, We need to look at who is
causing the problem, which is the men who hit and who need to
control others."
     Schiffman said there is a belief that started with
psychologist Sigmund Freud that says a woman likes to be hit. This
is not true, she stressed, adding that women have basic survival
rights that many aren't aware of. Among these rights is the right
to be equal and to not be subservient to men.

Warning signals
     Domestic abuse can surface at any time, without prior warning,
Post said. However, many times there are sufficient signals that
indicate impending abusive behavior.
     Post suggested women beware of a man with consistent
controlling behavior, such as always deciding where to go on dates.
It is also wise to be wary of a man who is extremely jealous. A
jealous man has a self-esteem problem and is trying to compensate
for it by controlling his girlfriend. In extreme cases, Post said,
she's aware of men who have killed pets or withheld medication from
the women.
     Post stressed that abusive men often will try to isolate their
partner from her friends and family with such flattery as, "I don't
want to share you with anyone because I love you so much."
     She warned that falling into this trap can lead to enslavement
to the man. The book, Warning: Dating May be Hazardous to Your
Health, by Claudette McShame, suggests other signals to watch for.
     For example, if a relationship feels as though it isn't good
for you, trust your instincts. The book also warns that an abusive
person may be someone who cannot handle normal daily frustrations
without shouting, cursing and pounding fists.
     Abusive men are likely to be men who hate women. They will
often make sexist remarks and make denigrating comments about women
in general, according to McShame.
     The book sates that studies have shown that men who frequently
view pornographic materials have lower opinions of women and are
more likely to sexually abuse a woman. A man who performs sexually
in a way that is forceful, hurtful or unpleasant may be giving
signs of worse things to come. Many abusive men also are under the
influence of drugs and alcohol at the times of the attacks.
     Lastly, if a man comes from a family in which there is
violence, child abuse or wife beating, he may be prone to copy this
behavior and, in turn, abuse his partner.
     If the woman comes from a background of childhood violence,
she may allow the abuse because she believes she deserves such
treatment.
     Post stressed that it is important to not fall into the trap
that an abusive man will change his behavior after marriage. It
will only make things worse, she said.

Individual rights
     According to Post, the best way to prevent abuse is to know
one's individual rights as a woman and as an equal person, and to
believe in them.
     Post said changes must also be made in the judicial process,
to make it more responsive to women who are abused. She explained
that society and its norms aren't static. Therefore, it is
important to think about how we are socializing our children. What
we value in males and females and what we teach them should be
where the equality process begins, she said.
     Society has to stop giving the men the right to exercise
aggression violently and to stop convincing women that they need
protection, she said. We must not let children believe there are
different expectations of boys and girls, or let them believe that
they are so dramatically different, she added.
     Steps can be taken to help someone who is a victim of abuse,
Post said. It is important to listen and believe what the person is
saying, whether they are describing rape or sexual harassment. Most
often, people don't believe abused women, so it is important to
validate what they say, she said. It is crucial to urge them to
leave if it is not safe.
     For a woman who believes she may be a victim of domestic
abuse, a shelter hotline exists at 462-6110.
     For further information, Schiffman encouraged individuals to
call the University Counseling Center at 451-2141.