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3:15 p.m., Dec. 5, 2002--It’s time to start pulling out the good china, polishing the silver and getting the dining room ready to host your family during the upcoming winter holidays. Participating in annual traditions and rituals is one way to help families stay healthy, according to Patricia Tanner Nelson, family and human development specialist for Cooperative Extension at UD.
“Family rituals help us reinforce family beliefs and values,” Nelson said. “These family gatherings are a good way to set aside time to relate to one another, strengthen bonds, make progress in healing losses and wounds, and perhaps adapt to changes in family structure.”
Nelson said that family rituals play a powerful role in organizing family life, ensuring that members feel secure and stable. Rituals seem especially important during times of transition and change, such as when a family moves into a new neighborhood, when families are blended following a second marriage or when a loved one is lost through divorce or death.
“The child-rearing years offer the strongest times for family rituals to flourish, since children thrive on routines,” Nelson said. “As children grow older, however, families often find they may need to modify or drop rituals that teenagers find hollow or meaningless.”
Give each family member a role in helping to make family time the best it can be, Nelson suggested. For example, put someone in charge of getting out the photo albums to encourage conversations and family history among children and grandparents. Or ask a family member to organize a sing-along with songs that everyone knows.
“New rituals can be started at any time to adapt to changes in family structure,” Nelson said. “Say, you have always eaten Thanksgiving dinner at grandma’s house, but this year she moved to a nursing home. It is time for another family member to begin hosting the traditional family dinner, or organize a covered dish dinner with the host house providing the turkey and guests bringing side dishes or desserts.”
Family rituals can be important to the health of families, Nelson said. As you prepare for the holidays, engage in conversations that will connect family members and different generations. She offers the following as examples of how to stimulate discussion:
- What is special about your family?
- Bring up favorite memories.
- Discuss what you enjoy most about the holidays, and what you do not like about them.
- What are your favorite holiday foods and why?
- What plans can help you capture the holiday spirit without stressing yourself out and other family members?
While it may be ideal to celebrate with the whole family, it is not always possible or practical. Plan to telephone distant family members, Nelson said, or write a note to one of your favorite relatives expressing what you most appreciate about her or him.
“It is important to any family’s well-being to express love and appreciation for each other,” Nelson said. “Nurture the gratitude attitude every day of the year, and, during the winter holidays, make a special effort to communicate that appreciation.”
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