Also see:
UDaily
Experts
Current News Releases

For printable image click here. Rob Palkovitz, UD professor of individual and family studies

A University of Delaware professor has a pleasant surprise for dads this Father’s Day: evidence that suggests parenting has a beneficial effect on men’s lives.

For his new book “Involved Fathering and Men’s Adult Development: Provisional Balances,’’ Rob Palkovitz, UD professor of individual and family studies, interviewed 40 men about the effect fatherhood had on their lives. To a man, they said the benefits outnumbered the costs. Every respondent said he would do it over again.

Palkovitz says dads expect there will be an emotional payout connected with fatherhood – love and a connectedness with their children. He says the men he interviewed were surprised to find that fatherhood also changes the way they think, the way they plan for things and the way they consider other people’s viewpoints.

Palkovitz found fathers make major life changes for their children that they would not make for themselves or for their wives or partners.

Some of the fathers he interviewed gave up smoking, drinking or substances when their children were born. Fathers stated they were concerned about the effects of second-hand smoke on their children, although their wives had been breathing their second-hand smoke for years.

“They’ll do it for their children because it is not a peer relationship,’’ Palkovich says. “They’ll say, ‘Well, my wife knew I smoked when she married me. There’s not the same kind of reciprocity with children. You take a greater responsibility and make a greater commitment, and you’ll do things for them that you wouldn’t do for yourself.

“You look at things from different perspectives and you learn about development levels, and that makes you look at your own boundaries and your own flexibility,’’ Palkovitz explains.

“It’s almost like kids impose a deadline for you,’’ he says. “If there’s something you always meant to take care of, now you have a good reason. Fathers will say, ‘I have to model the right behavior’ or ‘I have to be a good example.’”

Palkovitz, the father of four sons, says fathers also report forming friendships with other men through their children. Because likes attract, fathers often have more to talk about with other fathers. Friendships formed around children's relationships, however, tend to be shorter lived and more shallow than friendships not brokered by children.

Palkovitz points out that some government fatherhood programs follow a “push” model – pushing reluctant or absentee fathers to step up and take responsibility for their children. He says his research shows that a “pull’’ model might work:

“A lot of the people who don't like to be pushed might respond better to the pull, saying ‘You’re really missing something if you don’t get involved with your kids.’ ’’

Contact: Beth Thomas/Kathy Canavan, (302) 831-8749
June 3, 2003