Parents and students alike can sometimes be in for a big surprise when the student returns home from college for the first time. And, we’re not just talking about new hairstyles and strange clothing. The sons and daughters you left at the residence hall back in August may have gone through physical, emotional and intellectual changes. And, your family and home haven’t been frozen in time, either.

To help you prepare for any surprises, John Bishop, director of UD’s counseling center, offers insights into changes many students and parents experience during their first college semester.

• Some students return home and report that college is different from what they expected. Those who excelled in high school may be surprised by the academic challenges and competitive environment they face at UD, where there are many bright students and fewer people to “bring down the curve.” Social groups also are different, and students often spend a fair amount of time trying to see where they fit in. The group they socialized with in high school may not exist in the same form at the college level. These differences are often unexpected and can sometimes be unsettling to a student.
• “I’m different than I was when I left.” Some students return home with new hair and clothing, while others may have decided to change their majors. You may have sent your child off to study business, and now he or she wants to study art.
• Upon returning home, your child announces: “I live a different lifestyle now.” This is an area where families have to negotiate a bit. The student may be used to a lot of freedom, but staying out until 3 or 4 a.m. may not be something that works at home. This can be a potential point of friction between students and their families.
• Things at home have changed. Students sometimes come back to campus with bruised egos after their first visit home. They’ve discovered that things at home have gone on without them. A younger sibling may now have the college student’s former bedroom; mom and dad have redecorated or are involved in new activities. Students face the ego-deflating realization that, “Maybe I wasn’t as central to everything as I thought I was.”

Bishop suggests that parents should be prepared to discuss these changes and keep lines of communication open. Ask questions that allow students to share their feelings about these changes. How is college going? Was it what you expected? What are the surprises? It is also important to keep your child aware of changes at home.

Students also may develop a greater sense of belonging on campus after that first visit home, and that often makes it easier for them to deal with things on campus.

If your child is struggling over any of these changes, however, he or she can always reach out for help by calling the Center for Counseling and Student Development at (302) 831-2141. Parents are also welcome to contact the center for advice. The most important thing, however, says Bishop, is to maintain good communications.